the dust

I’ve been doing this 30 Days of Generosity challenge. It’s a blog. It’s changing me.

I don’t really know all the ways I’m being changed, but God is in there shaking things up, banging around, breaking things in the most beautiful way. It’s terrifying and exhilarating and quite frankly, bizarre.

For one thing, I don’t understand what’s happening.

For another thing, how in the world do you talk about how amazing things can be when saying the words Jesus or even church tends to run people off? (Trust me, I used to be one of those people running off, Road Runner style.)

I’m trying not to be weird about things. (Who IS this person!? I gotta tell you, this is all pretty damn new. Like August new.)

But I can’t even talk about this. People think I’m weird.

It hurts.

Like I have to be quiet about it. Most of the time, I am quiet about it. Better to just live it, to let my actions speak for themselves. Occasionally, though, I want to tell somebody. Share it. Shout it out. The response?

“Little over the top for me.”

oh.

okay.

If I had been talking about how much I love chocolate chip cookies or leadership or writing or my dog or running, they would have said wow that’s awesome that that is so important to you! But, I was talking about God.

That vulnerability leaves me… open for bruising. I pick myself up off the floor. Struggle for a little while. Brush off the dust.

My heart bruises easy. It was built for compassion. It was built for love. It was built for strength. It was built for faith. It was not built for hurt.

I’m learning that walking this way can be discouraging. It can be lonely. It can hurt.

You know what doesn’t hurt? Love like that.

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